Let’s face it—this might not have been part of your life plan. Sitting through a court-mandated program for domestic violence offenders probably feels like something you have to do rather than something you want to do. And it’s understandable if you’re not exactly thrilled to be here. You might even be thinking, How’s this supposed to help me?
Here’s the truth: whether or not you wanted to be here, you have a choice now. You can get through the program by going through the motions—or you can use it as an opportunity to learn, grow, and change for the better. The program isn’t about pointing fingers or shaming you. It’s about helping you understand patterns, build healthier relationships, and ultimately create a better future for yourself. And yes, that future is possible—but only if you put in the effort.
So, let’s talk about how to make the most of it.
Show Up and Engage with Purpose
Attendance is mandatory—you know that. But simply being present isn’t enough. If you’re just counting down the minutes until it’s over, you’ll walk away with nothing more than a checked box. But if you engage, if you lean in, you’ll start picking up tools that can make a real difference in your life.
Think of each session as an opportunity to sharpen a new skill. Whether it’s learning how to handle conflict differently, recognizing your triggers, or understanding how your past experiences shape your behavior, every session offers something useful. And while it might not feel natural at first, the more you engage, the easier it gets.
To make the most of each session, ask yourself:
What’s one key insight I took away today?
How can I apply it in my daily interactions?
Nobody’s expecting perfection. Just be open. Ask questions. Share when it feels right. These sessions aren’t about judgment—they’re about giving you what you need to succeed in your relationships and life.
Keep an Open Mind—Even When It’s Tough
Some of what you hear might feel obvious, or maybe it sounds like things you’ve heard before. It’s tempting to tune out and think, This won’t make a difference. But staying open is key to making progress. Think of it this way—if what you’ve been doing isn’t working, why not try something new?
Being open doesn’t mean accepting everything without question. It means being willing to listen, reflect, and experiment. Even if the information isn’t new, your circumstances might be, which means you’re in a better place to apply it. Sometimes, hearing the right thing at the right moment can spark meaningful change.
Ask yourself:
What’s one thing I’ve resisted that might actually help me?
What’s stopping me from trying something different?
Speak Up, Even If It Feels Awkward
Sharing in front of a group can feel uncomfortable. You might worry about saying the wrong thing or wonder how others will react. That’s normal. But speaking up isn’t about impressing anyone—it’s about giving yourself a voice.
When you share, you’re not only helping yourself—you’re helping others too. Everyone in the room is there for similar reasons. Hearing your experience might resonate with someone else, just like listening to others can give you new insights. And participation doesn’t have to mean sharing every detail of your life. Start small. Comment on something that stood out to you or ask a question when you’re curious.
Over time, speaking up gets easier, and with it, so does owning your personal growth.
Apply What You Learn in Real Life
Here’s where it counts. The lessons you learn won’t mean much if they stay in the room. The real change happens when you take what you’ve learned and put it into practice—whether that’s at home, with friends, at work, or even with strangers.
Think about everyday situations where emotions can run high. Let’s say you’re having a disagreement with your partner. Maybe they’re upset about something you did, and your first instinct is to defend yourself or snap back. Instead of reacting on autopilot, you pause. You remind yourself of a tool from the program—like taking a deep breath before speaking—and choose a calmer response. Instead of escalating the conflict, you create space for a more productive conversation.
Or imagine you’re at work, and a coworker criticizes how you handled a task. In the past, you might have reacted with anger or frustration. But now, you practice listening without interrupting. You acknowledge their point of view, even if you don’t fully agree, and respond with clarity rather than defensiveness.
Finally, consider how these skills might help you as a parent. Maybe your child is having a meltdown, and instead of raising your voice, you try staying calm and offering reassurance.
These moments of choosing a new response help build trust and respect, whether it’s with your partner, colleagues, or children.
You don’t have to get it right every time. Slip-ups will happen. What matters is that you reflect, learn, and keep trying. Every time you choose to respond differently, you’re breaking old patterns and building healthier ones.
Set Small, Realistic Intentions
Change can feel overwhelming if you try to tackle everything at once. Instead, set small, achievable intentions. Each week, pick one thing to focus on. Maybe it’s staying calm during stressful moments, being more present when listening, or expressing your feelings without anger.
At the end of the week, take a moment to reflect. How did it go? Did you follow through? If not, what got in the way? If you did, how did it feel? This isn’t about perfection—it’s about noticing progress and staying committed to growth, even when it’s hard.
To deepen this practice, write down your weekly intention and your reflection afterward.
Over time, you’ll start noticing patterns and areas where you’re improving—and where you might need more work.
Be Patient with Yourself
Breaking old habits and building new ones takes time. There will be moments when you feel stuck or frustrated, and that’s okay. Change is rarely immediate—it’s a gradual process, with ups and downs along the way.
For example, imagine you’re in the middle of a heated argument, and despite everything you’ve learned, you react in a way you wish you hadn’t. Maybe you raised your voice or said something hurtful. Instead of beating yourself up afterward, take a moment to reflect.
What triggered your reaction? How could you handle a similar situation differently next time? This isn’t about excusing harmful behavior—it’s about learning from the experience and committing to do better in the future.
Or perhaps you missed an opportunity to practice a new skill, like pausing before responding in a stressful situation. It happens. The key is to recognize that change takes practice and repetition. Remind yourself that one missed opportunity doesn’t erase your progress—it’s just another chance to learn.
When things don’t go perfectly, remind yourself that you’re in the middle of a process. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, not reasons to give up. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself credit for the effort you’re putting in. The fact that you’re showing up and trying matters.
Own Your Journey
You may not have chosen to be part of this program, but you can choose how you approach it. This isn’t just something to get through—it’s a chance to break free from old patterns and build something better. It’s an opportunity to step into a version of yourself that you can feel proud of.
Ask yourself:
Who do I want to be?
What kind of relationships do I want to have?
What kind of future do I want to create?
The answers to those questions start with what you do today. So, show up with purpose.
Stay open to learning. Keep practicing. You’re not defined by your past—you’re defined by the choices you make moving forward. And with each small step, you’re creating a life that reflects the person you want to become.
It’s not about being perfect—it’s about progress. One moment, one decision, one action at a time.
You’ve got this!
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